I uploaded the first draft onto my Youtube account for audiences to watch and comment on.
Twitter
I also showed the first draft to audiences on Twitter (on my Flight Twitter account) to gather opinions of our film so far. Here is the tweet which I posted:
Feedback
The majority of feedback received on Twitter was positive many commenting on how they like the opening sequence and bedroom shots, they thought that the shots were very effective and drew them into the narrative. The only criticism that was mentioned on Twitter was that they thought the end drug scene using the stop motion technique was a bit shaky and could be improved. As well as showing audiences on Twitter we also showed our Media teachers, the feedback we got from them was that they really enjoyed the bedroom shots, particularly the one with the sun flare. They said that the film felt very tranquil and peaceful. However they did note that they didn't really understand the relevance of the drug scene at the end and said it was quite out of the blue, they said that the film needed to have some hints before hand that our main character was considering turning to drugs. Because of these comments we have decided to add some flash back scenes within the bedroom sequence, this will hopefully drop hints to the audience about whats to come and make the film flow a lot better. Another comment made by Mr Cunningham was that he didn't like the opening shots with Sophie walking to the dance studio, he felt our opening shot was really effective and that it was ruined by the cuts of her walking in the corridor, he felt that our film would benefit if we removed the other shots. I do agree with the criticism we received for the first draft and the comments we got were very helpful, they helped us decide on how to develop our film further.Improvements
The improvements we have decided to make from the criticism received are as follows:
- We have decided to add in a flash back sequence within the bedroom scene. Adding this sequence in will hopefully make the audience aware of Sophie's struggle and develop the narrative, also it will add a sense of surrealism to our production.
- I have decided to add some transitions into the rope walk scene to make it flow a lot better as at the moment it is slightly jumpy and quick, making the production not at sleek and professional as we would like.
- Improve the stop-motion sequence, re-shooting the sequence so it is smoother.
- Remove the beginning shots of Sophie walking in the corridor to make the first shot of the doors more impacting on audiences.
